Jay Duckwitz on LinkedIn: Always help the richest amongst us first. Again CEOs got a raise of 16%… (2024)

A Hobson's Choice if there ever was one (for me). Be Lickspittle, or a Loser. Anyone in their right mind would choose lickspittle, but in the moment, I said 'NO MAS', I will not do this for these people. Like getting hit by a train is all I can remember.

I want to thank my former colleagues for being so technically "challenged" that I could have a second career in 'Data'. I was so fricking good at Excel, Tableau, Spotfire, etc. only because I used them to solve and model my real issues in my 'real jobs', during my real career in pharma manufacturing and R&D Ops. Any other job I held, I may as well been a sex worker for all the relevance it had to me.

A Better Idea, take all the money you are wasting on signs for a religious crusade (see EU 1400s) and give it to the teachers. Maybe your kids won't grow up to be addicts or worse, trump supporters. Shoot that squirrel Mavis, good eatin', mmm.

Shifty Dave used the oldest management trick in the book after a complaint, saying "I'm trying to do X", where X is above the complainer's level. It both diminishes the complainer and elevates the mgr/director/vp: “I’m trying to deal with 30,000 ideas on how we can move forward,” he said."Good for you Dave. I don't know how many people you fool with this sh*t, but count me out. I've seen Senior Managers who can convince their people better than you. You can't handle your job Dave, step down now.

Great video of a Boeing jet engine on fire. Instead of a golden parachute, morally he deserves a rusty jail cell. HR/BOD incentivized him to put stock price above human life. That is not hyperbole or dark humor. It's called annual objectives and compensation plan.

I would like to help my former EU colleagues with some US travel tips, just for those who may be visiting somewhere in the USA this year. 1. Do not approach wildlife, even large birds will aggressively attack you. 2. At the beach, a seagull will grab your food, right from your hand, please eat accordingly. 3. Do not approach humans in red hats that read "Make America Great Again" as they are unpredictable, and volatile at best. They have no useful information or facts to assist you in your travels.4. Americans are all super duper liberal, therefore all Beaches in the US are now topless, and many have bottomless options as well. So please remove those swimsuits once you are settled on the sand.5. Never order fried food in the south, your stomach enzymes aren't strong enough to fight the grease. It's Italian in the NE, burgers in Cali, sausage gravy down south, and Chicago Pizza in the Midwest. Texas? Tacos.6. Disney, do not waste your time ($$$$ for ages 5-7).7. Seriously: Yosemite, Yellowstone, Tahoe, Mt. Rainier, Mt. Hood,. RMNP, Smokies, N. GA., TN. anywhere, Tampa, Miami)

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One area in which I agree with the HR phonies, is that it takes years to change culture. One full third of employees are so dogmatic, so unimaginative that they truly cannot change one iota. "Damn it we were rewarded for X in the past, it's still X I know it!" they would say. One third of employees will go along with the new culture and do it poorly, and will need to be replaced. These people are primarily the middle and lower managers. One third of the people knew the management was a den of dipsh*ts long before now, and do their job well, for pay. A mercenary brain.Takes years to change the 2/3.

This story shocked me to my core. Are you trying to tell me that republicans both live, and are elected in Vermont? Sounds phony, like my former bosses' carton of Ben & Jerry's 'Schweddy Balls'. Please note, she would eat the ice cream out of the carton just like a dog does. Face first, tongue down, animal noises.

"Jay, are you jiggling your mouse?"... "No boss, I am innocent, or at least not guilty, whichever arbitrary standard you are using today Sir." ..."I know you are jiggling Jay, however you finished all your work, and the work of six others by lunch. Carry On."

Data screams out loud that bosses from the Sacramento CA region, (whom I have written about extensively), are the absolute worst west of the Mississippi River. Congrats to Los Angeles for failing to send in your boss data (shifty slicks).